about this blog
My name is Ana and I'm fed up with dating, so I'm taking a little break. The other day, I tried to find information about taking a dating/sex break on google, but couldn't find very much. There were some op-eds and short Cosmo pieces titled things like "10 Things I Learned from a Year Without Sex," several pieces about celibacy as a lifestyle, and lots and lots of religious stuff, but nothing about regular people who just need a little time. So here I am.
Last year was the year of shitty and painful relationships for me. I went through three big break ups, all of which left me feeling more broken and lonely than the last. I found myself on a million awkward dates and had a good number of one-night-stands. I got my hopes up a lot. I had to get over those hopes a lot. I had to get over myself a lot, too, for that matter. I lost myself. I tried to use dating and sex as a bandaid. I tried every dating app.
Now I need to find myself again. I imagine the process will be painful and shitty, but I also imagine there are other people going through similar things.
Don't get me wrong: I love dating. I love relationships. I love intimacy. I love sex. Like, on a scale from Mike Pence to Cardi B, I'd put myself at about an 8. I want to find love. I want to be in a relationship. I want to have kids. I want help with the everyday minutiae of my life. I don't want to be lonely, but I am.
So here's what I propose: Six months with more friend time. Six months of more art. Six month trying to eat better. Six months concentrating on my work. Six months of discovering new music without associating all the good songs with one guy or another. Six months of not making decisions based on whether somebody else might or might not be involved. Six months of not trying to figure it out anymore. Six months of not not feeling good enough for somebody else. Six months of actively turning it away.
I'm going to lay it all out there. I'm going to write about what it's like even if I think it's a terrible idea. I'm going to write even when it doesn't feel like it's working. I'm going to write about crying on my way to work today because the last guy I dated told me he wasn't seeing somebody else, which was a lie. I'll write about how much I don't want to eat vegetables, what it's like to be off the market even though I'm 32 and would like to have a baby some day soonish, how I think maybe the full moon has something to do with it all, how I have started to love making pottery for some reason. I'll write about my hobbies. I'll probably write about sex toys. All the gritty details.
I'll let you know if I learn something from it all.
Also, my therapist thinks this is a good idea.
I teach English, Creative Writing, and Race/Ethnic Studies at a small university in the Midwest. In 2014, I received my MFA in Creative Writing with an emphasis in Fiction. Right now I'm working on a historical fiction novel set in the Philippines in the years leading up to WWII. I'm Filipino. And Quebecois. And Native American. I'm mixed, so all of the relationships I have in my life are interracial. I play the guitar and the violin. I bake bread. I'm a Ravenclaw, but sometimes I think maybe I'm a Hufflepuff. I'm not really an animal person. I think Kanye was better pre-Kim. I can never keep nail polish on for more than an hour before it chips. I wear size 9 shoes. I went through a Bluegrass phase. I went through a reggae phase. My Spanish is passable. I like yoga, but it's so damn expensive. I struggle with my weight. I don't read as much as you would assume someone who teaches literature should. I love lacy underwear. I drove for UBER one summer. I travel a lot. I listen to a lot of podcasts. I voted for Hillary. I was born in Germany. I'm 32. I'm an extrovert. I don't like doing things alone. I did it all for the nookie. I have very close friendships. I'm dramatic. I swear a lot. I have a nephew. He's pretty cool, too.